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Word crawl/WTNV Crawl

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You wake up to the sound of chanting outside your bedroom window. Ugh. Write 100 words while you put on a pot of coffee.

Oh no! The coffee pot transformed into a puddle of smoking black goo for the second time this week. Sprint for five minutes as you look for your hazmat suit so you can clean up this mess.

The carpet’s starting to smoke! Clean, clean as fast as you can! Sprint for ten minutes.

  • If you write less than 100 words, you lose a hand in the process. Darn it! Now you have to wait for it to grow back. Write another 200 words.
  • If you write less than 200 words, some of the goo gets on your toes. Great, now you have to go pray for healing in your bloodstone circle. Write 50 words.

Thank goodness you took care of that so quickly. Write 50 words to take a shower. You want to be sure none of that stuff is hanging around on you.

You really should get a new coffee maker. Guess it's time to go into town. First, you should probably get dressed, though.

  • Write 100 words to put on your eagle-feather shirt and ballerina shoes.
  • Write 150 words to wear your confetti-spattered party suit.
  • Write 250 words to don your hollow-pumpkin hat, black morph suit, and blood boots.

Now that you’re dressed to kill, you can show your face in public. You open the front door to find… the chanters. Those hooligans woke you up, and now they’re blocking your sidewalk! Who do they think they are? You’ve had more than enough of them. Sprint for ten minutes to push through the mob.

  • If you write less than 100 words, the chanters swarm over you and knock you out. Write 200 more words to regain your senses.
  • If you write less than 200 words, the mob hypnotizes you and you start to chant along. Write another 50 words for being a public menace.
  • If you write 200+ words, you successfully get through without being bothered. You must be something!

You get in your car and turn the key, only to have it turn gelatinous in your hand. Write 100 words while you wait for it to solidify.

When you finally your car on, a high-pitched, annoying voice spills out of the speakers. Ugh! Somehow, you tuned into the Desert Bluff’s radio station. Write 250 words while you whisper into your speakers, asking for Night Vale Community Radio to come back.

Ahhh. That’s much better. Cecil’s familiar voice soothes you as you drive downtown. Write leisurely for ten minutes as you relax.

You park outside the Ralph’s and turn off your car. Write 50 words as you mourn the loss of Cecil’s voice and the unfillable void in your life.

Inside the store, you see a few of your friends and acquaintances.

  • To avoid them and get on with your search for a coffee pot, sprint for five minutes while you duck behind the oozing produce.
  • To say hello to one of your coworkers, write 100 words.
  • To wave to someone you hardly know, write 200 words. (If you do this, a stranger hands you a note that reads, “The purple one on the far left.”)

Deep in the belly of the store, there are aisles upon aisles of coffee pots and accessories. How will you ever choose one? Write for 20 minutes to decide.

  • If you got the note, you find the perfect pot almost immediately. You only have to sprint for five minutes.

With your chosen coffee pot tucked under your arm (”guaranteed not to melt into black goo!”), you head toward the cashier. Out of nowhere, a pterodactyl pops into existence right in front of you! It turns its beady red eyes in your direction and opens its giant mouth. Yikes! Do a ten minute sprint to save yourself!

  • If you write less than 200 words, you escape, but the dinosaur steals your coffee pot. You have to go back and pick a new one. Sprint for ten more minutes.
  • If you write 200+ words, you use your boy/girl/agender scout fighting skills to send that dinosaur back to the prehistoric era. Write 50 words in celebration of your victory.

Finally, FINALLY, you get your coffee pot to the check out. The cashier doesn’t seem to be in much of a hurry, though, and he takes his sweet time checking you out. Sprint for three minutes as you wait.

Back in the car, Cecil’s show is still on. After talking about perfect Carlos for five minutes, he says that traffic on main street is being sucked into a swirling vortex, so you take the back way home. Write 200 words.

As soon as you get back to your house, the sun starts to set. You check your watch, but it’s only three in the afternoon. “What even is time?” you ask yourself, but at least now you have an excuse to go back to bed. Write 150 words to put everything away and put on your screaming penguin pajamas.

You climb into your bed and the Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Home pulls the blankets up to your chin. Write 100 words in thanks.

You fall asleep slowly and dream of a boring world where there are no annoying chanters or pterodactyls. You’re so out of it, in fact, that you don’t hear your new coffee pot melting in its box and turning your dining room table into a wood-colored slime. The only thing you, and the rest of Night Vale’s citizens, hear is a calming, “Good night, Night Vale. Good night.”