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Word crawl/CTK Crawl

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Cutthroat Kitchen is my latest obsession, and what better way to ruin characters' lives celebrate my fandom than a CTK-themed crawl? Warning: this one's not going to be easy (on you or them!)

Your unsuspecting victims favorite contestants have arrived! Pick four characters and write a 10 minute sprint focusing on each of them.

Here comes Alton Brown with his delightful suitcase of (movie) money! Build up your stock. Write 5000 words. You can use these words later to reduce any sabotage, but remember, you only leave with the words you have remaining!

Alton assigns the first subject: pancakes! So simple, no one can screw it up. Well, except maybe your characters. And your time in the pantry starts... NOW! One minute word sprint. Well, did you get everything you needed?

  • 60+ words - you have enough for a backup plan if something fails. Add 200 words to your stock (no, you don't have to write them!)
  • 50-59 words - you got everything you need, but no backups.
  • <50 words - uh-oh, you forgot something in the pantry! This will come back to haunt you.

First sabotage - ingredient swap! Have someone pick a word sprint challenge off the first page of the Word Wars forum, or roll a die and pick one yourself. (If you land on a crawl, you can roll again, unless you're really a masochist.) Do that challenge. If you're not up to it, you can use as much of your word stock as you want to reduce this sabotage.

Second sabotage - they took away your sources of heat and replaced it with the rage of one of your characters! Write 1000 words using some method other than your usual (if you usually write on a laptop, you now have to write by hand, on a phone, etc.) Again, you can use your word stash to reduce this sabotage... but spend wisely!

Cooking has started! Do a #1k1hr (1000 words in an hour) sprint. If you forgot something in the pantry, you now have to scramble to make this work - do 1500 words instead. If you fail, so does your pancake.

Mid-round sabotage! Alton wants you to play patty-cake (get it, pattyCAKE?) with one of the Bobs. As you probably know, Bobs have short attention spans, so you may have to tie it to a chair first. Write 350 words.

  • If you complete in under 5 minutes, your opponent just wasted their money. Didn't they know you were a champion patty-cake player in middle school? You avoided the failcake, and can add those 350 words to your stash. (If you reduced the sabotage with your stash, you only get to make back what you actually wrote.)
  • If you complete between five and ten minutes, your cake is a little messy, but that's fine - just call it deconstructed! No penalty or bonus.
  • If you take more than ten minutes, well, they got you. You have a failcake.

Time's up, back away from the food! Your first round judge is Simon Majumdar! He loves pancakes... but he doesn't love you. Do a word sprint to each of your four characters's theme songs (or a random song), plus an additional song for each failcake.

Time for someone to take the walk of shame. Pick one of your characters and write a scene where something terrible happens to them (death by shovel, lost their favorite toy, dumped by significant other, etc.) This character is now out of the game.

Round two: beef wellington. I'm sure you've made it a thousand times before, right? If you haven't heard of it, write 600 words while you google it. If you sort of remember, reduce that by 100 words for every main ingredient you remembered (without googling). If you can name the four main ingredients to a beef wellington, add 400 words to your stash.

Pantry time! Same rules as before: one minute sprint.

  • 60+ words - you have enough for a backup plan if something fails. Add 200 words to your stock (no, you don't have to write them!)
  • 50-59 words - you got everything you need, but no backups.
  • <50 words - uh-oh, you forgot something in the pantry! This will come back to haunt you.

First sabotage: wait, what are they doing to your prep station?! This is too horrific to watch! So write 100 words with your eyes closed. If you manage to make less than ten typos, add 100 words to your stash. (If you reduced this sabotage at all with your stash, you get no bonus.)

Second sabotage: Alton Brown thinks it's amusing if you have to wear a kiwi costume for your entire cook. Look at the tiny arms on that thing! It's like a long-beaked T-rex! You do NOT want this. 1500 words.

Cook time: If you didn't miss any ingredients and you completed the kiwi challenge in under 30 minutes, it's smooth sailing for you and nothing happens. If either of those happened, do 500 words for each one right now, or suffer a catastrophe that would make Gordon Ramsay pissed.

Your second judge is Jet Tila, the culinary ambassador to Thailand. If you know any Thai words ("pad thai" or other food words don't count), suck up to him and add 200 words to your stash. After that, do a 3 digit challenge for each of your remaining three characters.

"I have to eliminate Chef...." Time to say bye to another character. Write another awful-thing-happens to one of the remaining characters. That character is now out of the game (and possibly the mortal coil.)

Third round: Milkshake! Everyone loves a milkshake! Time for another pantry round! One minute sprint:

  • 60+ words - you have enough for a backup plan if something fails. Add 200 words to your stock (no, you don't have to write them!)
  • 50-59 words - you got everything you need, but no backups.
  • <50 words - uh-oh, you forgot something in the pantry! This will come back to haunt you.

Go right into cooking time! Except... oh, wait, your milkshake brought all the Bobs to the yard. They're convinced it's better than yours. You now have to salvage your ingredients from their milkshake cups, if you can catch them. Do the 3% of your wordcount challenge.

  • If this was over 1000 (not counting any reductions from your stash) , you have plenty to choose from (and can safely ignore the lollipop and rock that one Bob gave you.) Add 500 words to your stash.
  • If this was at least 500 (not counting any reductions from your stash), it isn't the grand triple-chocolate strawberry cheesecake delight you were going to whip up, but it'll pass. No penalties or bonuses.
  • If it's less than 500 (not counting any reductions from your stash), you got packets of jelly, a ham and cheese sandwich, and buttermilk. And the lollipop and rock. You may be screwed.

Another midround sabotage!? It's a milkshake, so your ice cream maker has now been replaced with a shaker. Do a #1k30minutes. If you don't make it in time, you're serving flavored milk.

The final judge is Antonia Lofasa. If you want to remind her of her childhood, write an optional 300 words to add to your stash.

It's down to your last two characters. Challenge someone to a word war (if you can't find someone, challenge yourself using your average WPM from your last sabotage.) If you had any failures in the pantry or sabotages, it's not enough to just beat them - you have to beat them by 100 extra words for each failure. If you win, add 1000 words to your stash.

It's time for Antonia to announce the winner. If you want to win, you have to write 10,000 words. You saved some of your money in previous rounds, right? Reduce your words to write by any of your remaining stash (or, don't and hold onto it for bragging rights.) Once you're done, you've won Cutthroat Kitchen! Make it rain!