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Don't clean the bathroom crawl
Don’t Clean The Bathroom! Crawl
This is another writing and home-cleaning crawl designed to up your word count and keep chores from falling to the wayside. This one has a twist—you want to avoid cleaning the bathroom! (Let that be December’s problem.) Pick your dirtiest bathroom and avoid it!
Let’s start in the kitchen:
Load up and start your dishwasher, or suds up and load your drying rack. Then write 200 words.
- If you had to unload before loading, add a 5 minute sprint.
- If you had to leave really grimy dishes to soak, add a 10 minute sprint.
- If you have leftover dirty dishes that didn’t fit in the washer or rack, tsk, tsk, and add 15 words per dirty dish.
Scrub your sink and counter tops, and keep track of the hard-to-scrub spots. Spray your stove top. Then, write 50 words for each tough spot you had to scrub.
If your stove top cleaner is a generic brand, complete a Carrot and Stick challenge before scrubbing. Wipe down your stove, and begin making tea, coffee, or a snack. Sprint for the length of time it takes for your treat to be ready, or sprint for 10 minutes. Clear the old food out of your fridge, then write for 2 minutes for each item you had to throw out. If something in your fridge was so icky, you threw away an entire dish or container, then you have to clean the bathroom! Since this is your first offense, we’ll go easy on you. All you have to do is replace the towels and the toilet paper if necessary.
Gather up all the garbage and recycling in your house, and take them to your outdoor or garage bin. You don’t have to collect the bathroom trash if you don’t want to. For every trip you need to make, write 250 words.
Let’s get some laundry going:
Start a load of wash, then do a three digit challenge race against the wash cycle (or write for 32 minutes). If you didn’t beat the buzzer, you have one more chance... Start the dryer, and try another three digit challenge (or write for 45 minutes). If you beat the buzzer, you’re off the hook. Put away the laundry. Write lines of dialogue for each dresser drawer or closet door you needed to open to do so. Now, if you didn’t beat the buzzers earlier, you have to clean the bathroom! Replace towels, take out the trash, and tidy up the medicine cabinet or any drawers. Uh-oh—you’re cleaning the bathroom!
Time yourself as you write to the nearest thousand. Then, set a timer, and beat your time by picking up the entire living room or den.
- If you beat your time, take a break to nap, snack, read, or chat. Don’t watch TV!
- If you don’t beat your time, or must watch TV, and you haven’t taken out the bathroom trash yet, then you have to clean the bathroom! Take out the trash, put away anything left out on the counter or sink, and wipe down the counter.
Clean a table, desk, nightstand, sideboard or other surface. For each surface you clear, write or type one full page of you novel. If you find more than 6 spaces to clear, and write out all 6 pages, you earn a bathroom pass. You can use this to avoid cleaning the bathroom. If the first surface you choose to tidy is the one you’re working at, you earn a bathroom pass. You can use this to avoid cleaning the bathroom.
Organize a shelf, pantry, or small closet from the bottom up. After you complete each shelf, write words equaling the number of shelves you’ve completed, multiplied by 100. After the first shelf, write 100 words, after the second, write 200, etc. Do this challenge again, with another shelf, but multiply each shelf by 50 words. If you can’t find a shelf to clean, then you have to clean the bathroom! Do all the tasks previously outlined in the bathroom: replace linens, take out the trash, clear and wipe down the counter, and then shake out the bathmats.
If your room is the messiest in the house, complete a word war with someone for any length of time else to justify your case.
- If you win the word war, your messy room is excused. Write 75 words to show ‘em who’s boss.
- If you lose the word war, then you have to clean the bathroom! Spray down the tub or shower, and sprint for the length of time the cleaner needs to sit (or 15 minutes). Then, scrub that tub! Ewww…
Make your bed, then make it to the end of the scene you’re currently writing. While we’re making stuff, let’s also make a snack. Put away all laundry from the floor and surfaces. If it’s clean, fold it up; if it’s dirty, put it in the hamper. If you had to unload the hamper before loading, add a 5 minute sprint. Complete a three digit challenge. Then, put on some music, and clean your room as fast as you can for three songs. If your room isn’t looking much better at all, then it must be really messy, so you have to clean the bathroom! Spray down the tub or shower, and sprint for the length of time the cleaner needs to sit (or 15 minutes). Then, scrub that tub! Ewww…. Put away 20 “knick-knacks”. Then, write a detailed scene of at least three paragraphs.
If you’re curtains have been closed while you’re cleaning because you’re a NaNo hermit, then you have to clean the bathroom! Complete either option:
- Spray down the tub or shower, and sprint for the length of time the cleaner needs to sit (or 15 minutes). Then, scrub that tub!
- Do all the tasks previously outlined in the bathroom: replace linens, take out the trash, clear and wipe down the counter, and then shake out the bathmats. Sprint to 500 words.
Is there a den, playroom, spare room, or other space that didn’t get cleaned yet? It’s time to clean it! Wash all the windows and mirrors. You don’t need to include the bathroom mirrors. For every pane of glass you clean, write one paragraph of your novel. If you immediately decided not to clean the bathroom mirror—psych! Now you have to clean the bathroom! Clean the counter and sink, and then clean the mirror. Vacuum or sweep every room. For every room you sweep, add 3 minutes to a sprint. For every room you vacuum, write 200 words. If you had to empty the vacuum bag before starting add a 5 minute sprint. Dust a room, then write 50 words. Continue until every room is dusted. If you saved up the words until you finished all the dusting, write an extra 25 words.
Did you Win?
It’s the end of the crawl, yet you haven’t been asked to scrub a toilet yet. Is this it? Have you simply won a vincible crawl? Not so fast…
You may still have a penalty on the way:
- Did you cheat? Did you take shortcuts when folding laundry, or have someone else take out the trash while you were writing? Even worse, did you cheat your word count, spending 4 minutes of a 10 minute sprints on your phone!?
- Did it take a week or longer for you to complete this sprint? And by now, the dishes are piled high again, your room’s re-messy, and it’s even worse than before??
Then you have to clean the bathroom! Hands down, the whole thing! Sink, tub, floor, towels, and the toilet! Ewww!
There are three ways to avoid your fate:
- If you have a bathroom pass, you can cash it in now, and avoid the most disgusting chore of all! Lucky you.
- If you have already written 1.4 times your word count goal for this point in the month. I’ll wait while you do the math. No luck…?
- If you participate in three 50 Headed Hydras. You can stop sooner if you win one… or you can just clean the bathroom. It’s up to you.